I don't know why but I desperately want to die?

OMG i swear you are well were the female version of me i agree i felt like im an empty space to fill in my friends socaial life and it shurts but you know what i recently bowed to myself that no no sirree! its hard like hell everything your going through i went through for 2 tought long years up and downs and for what people that didn't care sorry for my englidh but F&ck them thats why im doing activities outside and after school meeting people i can relate to and be faithful its hard to find people like that and family problems fitting in society if thats you in the avatar are you kidding your no where near ugly i feel you need to reach out and say what you feels whats the worst that can happen thats why i grew a sack and said no more scratch thats your a girl high 5 me too do you know how many time si wa sknocked out my feet since the age of 13 being bullied and depressed for people bullying on me and saying how i looked ugly and then they ended up worse they deserved it im coldhearted to people who deserve it too damn bad i know its wrong but it feels good to see them suffer after what they did to me so yeah i agree sometime si feel i have no one and yep im not the religious girl maybe 25% I DON'T KNOW HOW THATS POSSIBLE but yeah mom always busy and working with her our relationship it all has to start from the house they will help if you talk if not i suggest talking to teachers or someone you trust thats what i did its hard yes i know i get pissed people go out have boyfreinds and party i lack that i want it but maybe life hasn't put my freinds in my path maybe in the future ill meet them and i get mad when somone says okay lets go out then they don't F%cken B^tches sorry thats outta the topic but you hopefully understood what i said i wish i had a friend wit potential atleast one who i can rely on her/him when i feel down, but just recentley i don't know if this is bad but i said aslong as i have myself its all good its okay i got stronger through the years didn't let people bring me down in others words if you mess with me ill chop lol jk and its hard i changed high school so you can imagine its harder for me to accustom its my first year so its all good just join a club thats what im going to do starting tommorow girl we deserve to have a life of our own why can other people but we can't what prevents us? ourselves we are so self concious how we portray are selves to other ppl lets face it many ppl will never like us but as some one told me once WHO CARE? lol precisely just forget it thats why im glad i have soccer not trying to blabber i just want to help teens girls like us that we are not alone and maybe life is suppose to be like this for us because we are going to earn good stuff in the future maybe or maybe we are meant to not be brainwashed by society with these ridiculous teenage phase i believe im to clever for my age actually but yeah ive been alone for partially all my life ooh if i told ya well i ahve a younger sibling but while growing up it was tough and yes i feel worthless well use too now i suck it up and go bike ride regardless if i go alone whatever ill reach my break eventually i felt like dying once yes not only you hopefully this book i read won't bore you i hope i helped ♥