Unpardonable sin I think i am about or commited or commiting it can somedy help me out this?

hey im dane im experiencing a meltdown of my faith constantly but im struggling it now. Im from the Philippines. This is still a country without or still no divorce and abortion which is been implemented.. I was actually in my turning point of my life that God gives me a chance to choose Him so I did because He cured me from liver injury and heart ailment so I decided to read the bible.. And then satan our enemy made me believe that i had an Incurable disease so i went to manila to know it.. Then I stayed on my sister to help her out.. We watch many things concerning Religion so I watched it. I became paranoid about things there,, that if dont think about this face or doesnt do this or that the incurable disease i fear will come true and every time I brake through another thing came much worst before. And I get very suspicious to people even to my sister. Then I went to Laguna on my another sister,then there I cast out the doubt that Jesus is not real so I believe in Him that He is really real it is because of my pre occupation in DA VINCI CODE. So im ready to change my way and believed that God can heal any kind of diseases. So i give that or believe thar god will heal me if i really had that disease. So i went back there in Manila, I am about to go home here in Bicol. Then on May 6 2011 my nephew again went on a tantrum because he cant find what he is looking for so I help him out. Then as I found it gave it to him I also found the NEO GENESIS EVANGELION. This is the anime im longing for. So i read it then I found about some biblical stuff and so its good. Then Im about to draw that particular thing in there the tree of life, I told JESUS that Lord if this will be bad for me then send some or do something for me to avoid it not because youre hiding something from me.. Then this Voice said you called JESUS a liar then youre sinning againts THE HOLY SPIRIT. So i went on panic, Then sunday night I woke then this Evil thoughts trying to came but I couldnt stop it so it did. So i went on Hostile out there I already tried to commit suicide so my Ate sent me here on bicol, Constanly I had evil thoughts about them my appreciation towards nature diminised my Love for the oppressed also was gone. Every time I pray This evil thoughts came. Then i talked to a priest and pastor they said that the true meaning of it is Unrepentant,apostasy,and Leaving the faith. I think im in the brink of it. ..... My question is DID JESUS DIED FOR BLASPHEMOUS THOUGHT LIKE THIS. ?